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Worst car names ever. Duck, Aspire owners.

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  • Worst car names ever. Duck, Aspire owners.

    Pulled this from thecarconnection.com website. Pretty funny.

    Naming cars, like naming kids, sometimes comes out all wrong, even with the very best intentions. Striving to be creative or just different, some parents cripple their progeny with appellations guaranteed to result in a lifetime of mockery. It's the same with cars -- though it's much harder to change the name on the fender than it is to call yourself "Mike" instead of "Shemp."

    Which names have clanked the loudest into car history's wastebasket? These are TheCarConnection's 15 contenders:

    Ford Probe
    In a single stroke, Ford managed to alienate half the potential buyers of this otherwise not-bad sporty two-plus-two coupe. The unfortunate connotations bothered many women in the same way that hearing that banjo theme from Deliverance tends to put most men on edge. Not one of Ford's better ideas.

    Daihatsu Charade
    It's not really a car, it's just pretending! This was one of those econo-boxes that was not merely humiliating to drive, it embarrassed its owner each time its name was uttered. "I drive a Charade." Good-bye, prom date! (See also: Ford Aspire.)

    Pontiac Aztek
    The name's not even spelled correctly, for openers. And it didn't help matters that the vehicle itself resembled a dumpster on wheels. The Aztec civilization stood no chance against the ugliness (and illiteracy) of this General Motors sheetmetal horror show.

    Isuzu Big Horn
    Sometimes, size really does matter! The associations conjured up here are surely not what Isuzu intended. That's what happens when things get lost in translation.

    Mazda Protégé
    Someday, it hopes to be a real car, we suppose? Tagging your car a junior partner is forever pegging yourself a Robin, not a Batman. And who wants to be Robin?

    Toyota Yaris
    A Toyota what? Maybe it doesn't matter as long as the first name is there, but Yaris sounds like the noise you'd hear issuing from the gullet of an exotic animal. Or maybe it is a small animal? (Sorry, dude, my Yaris left a mess on your rug.)


    Mitsubishi Mirage
    Hmm, famous mirages. The Flying Dutchman? Cher's musical talent? A "mirage" is something that's not really there, a figment of your imagination -- when in distress, especially. Not the hot ticket for a car name, eh?

    Geo Prizm
    It doesn't separate light waves, just you from your cash. At least this thinly disguised, rebadged Toyota Corolla sold by Chevrolet was an okay car under its goofy nameplate.

    Nissan Altima
    A made-up word that attempts to evoke positive associations -- in this case, height/achievement, we think. (See also: Subaru Justy, Toyota Camry, Olds Alero, Chevy Lumina, etc.)

    Pontiac Banshee
    This name never reached production, because luckily for Pontiac, someone consulted a dictionary before the concept escaped GM's design studios. A Banshee's shriek heralds imminent death, among things - someone page the liability lawyers!

    Dodge Swinger
    You'll also find ads for these on the back pages of adult magazines. Okay, it was the '70s, but still - why not just call it the STD?

    AMC Gremlin
    Do you really want to own a car named after annoying small problems that are next-to-impossible to fix? Courtesy of the same folks who brought you the Pacer.

    Mercury Mystique
    Way too close to "mistake" for comfort. (A Mercury executive made just that slip-up at one of the press introductions for this car.) The third or fourth attempt by Ford to build a "world car" that not even the U.S. was much interested in.

    Volkswagen Touareg
    Impossible to pronounce or spell correctly without lessons, this name takes the cake for being the most gratuitously recondite car name of the past 30 years - not to mention its unfortunate link to a slave-trading North African tribe.

    Chevy Camaro
    This one apparently has double-entendre meanings in other cultures, such as "shrimp" -- or worse. (See also Chevy Nova; it "doesn't go" en espanol.)

  • #2
    that's weird

    1988 323 Station Wagon - KLG4 swapped
    1988 323 GT - B6T Powered
    2008 Ford Escape - Rollover Survivor

    1990 Festiva - First Ever Completed KLZE swap (SOLD)

    If no one from the future stops you from doing it, how bad of a decision can it really be?

    Comment


    • #3
      An equally appropriate name for the Ford Probe would have been the Ford Turd. Equally stupid, but more accurate. Take it from me, I owned one for a year, but only managed to drive it for about 7 months, because everything on it went bad atleast once. :evil:

      Dumb thieves go to prison, smart ones go to work for the Government.

      1988 L - 232K miles Batstiva
      1989 L - 247K miles Slick
      1990 L - 281K miles Orphan Annie
      Let the hoarding begin!! :mrgreen:

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      • #4
        Sounds like my Saturn, except I kept that POS for 5 years.

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        • #5
          My Probe was a 97 with only 64000 miles, and was on it's second engine and third transmission. :roll:

          Dumb thieves go to prison, smart ones go to work for the Government.

          1988 L - 232K miles Batstiva
          1989 L - 247K miles Slick
          1990 L - 281K miles Orphan Annie
          Let the hoarding begin!! :mrgreen:

          Comment


          • #6
            Some of those weren't that bad. Like Altima and Camaro. I think they sound great.

            Comment


            • #7
              I've never thought Altima was that good, but not bad either. Kind of neutral. The Camaro thing is all about the translation. Buick was going to call their new car "Lacrosse" but in Quebec, Lacrosse is slang for masturbation.

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              • #8
                Some of these are pretty lame, but others at least sound good. Sure, Banshee might mean immanent death, but most people don't know that and it does sound kinda cool. But the Pontiac Banshee was just a concept!

                I will agree the Yaris is an odd name, but I think it sounds better than Vitz, which is what the car is known as elsewhere in the world. Nonetheless, it's a great little car.

                Camaro=Mullet, well sometimes. But anymore it's pretty iconic, I don't think you can agrue with it.

                Aspire, well, I remember hearing the Aspire commercials and thinking "you could aspire to buy a better car than this"


                Waiting to "behold the power" of Ra...:roll:

                Comment


                • #9
                  wantahertzdonut, Banshee is a cool name to me. I mean to me it means immenent death to any car that tries to race it! Yes a camaro is equated with mullets and that is funny to me. Especially the 80's camaros. I like the name touareg. The mirage and charade are just hilarious. Aspire is pretty funny too.
                  youtube.com/neanderpaul 88 festiva LX w/BP G25 MR 5 speed waiting for wiring- 93 Festiva GL auto w/ air, waiting for B6t/G4A-HL - 98 Nissan Quest - 02 Mazda protege 5 wife's DD

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